Phil on the stairs of Girona's Cathedral (Spain), november 3, 2006
On the 23rd of november, around 5.30 am, a very special friend died. Although Phil hardly ever complained about his illness, he finally paid the price for letting a hepatitis virus live rent free in his liver for 20 years.
Phil and I worked closely together for 6 years. Not only I did benefit from his wisdom and experience, so do the people that I work(ed) with. It made Phil very happy to know this. Also as his guinea pig for his rebalancing massage trainings, I experienced and appreciated his tremendous patience and commitment.When the doctor told him that he was terminally ill, Phil suggested he and I would hike through the Pyrenees for a month. The ambitious plan eventually boiled down to 5 days of curving and bending through countless hairpins in a car, but he loved it anyhow. Though we had no particular goal, it felt very purposeful.
Not long after we returned, Phil deteriorated rapidly. "Maybe the trip was too much for you," I said. He replied: "The trip was a great achievement. It was just what I needed." In the hospital, after turning himself in, it seemed as if he was still counting on recovery. But somewhere deep inside him, acceptance grew - until he surrendered to his fate. As I was reading names from his address book, he said that he would "giv'm a call later". "How much later, Phil?" I asked. "About two weeks... after I'm dead," he joked. His humor is one of the things I will miss most. 
As a close friend of his put it when paying his respect: 'In his last weeks, Phil seemed to have become again the joyful and beautiful child he once was and the mature and handsome man he was always meant to be.'
The funeral has taken place November 29th in Amsterdam. If you like, you can leave a comment here.
5 comments:
Dear Phil, I am shocked and very sorry I cannot even say goodbye to you. I will always remember your firm hugs and smiling face. Thanks for being there when I needed it most. Big hug, Maria.
Beste Anna,
Dank je wel voor de site. Hij ziet er mooi uit! Ik heb hem naar 2 verpleegkundigen doorgestuurd. Phil had die 2 verpleegkundigen en mij namelijk een keer meegenomen naar een meeting.
Ik heb Phil lange tijd meegemaakt, vanaf de periode dat ik hem psychologisch testte voor de levertransplantatie-screening. Phil vertelde claustrofobisch te zijn en was erg bang dat hij na transplantatie op de IC terecht zou komen. Gelukkig heeft hij dat niet hoeven meemaken. Toch vonden we het allemaal erg jammer dat hij uiteindelijk nooit voor transplantatie in aanmerking is gekomen.
Ik zal nooit vergeten hoe Phil de ene dag met tientallen folders aan kwam zetten en dan vervolgens bij zijn ontslag flessen drank voor de afdeling achter liet. Iedereen was erg begaan met hem, vooral door zijn flinke dosis humor. Ook was hij niet bang om zijn emoties te tonen. Soms was het een lach en een traan door elkaar.
Ik wil jou en de mensen om je heen in ieder geval heel veel sterkte wensen bij het verlies.
Groetjes, Jacintha.
Jacintha A.J. Jenniskens,
Medisch Maatschappelijk Werk
Interne Geneeskunde, Niertransplantatie, Maag-, Darm- en Leverziekten
Dearest Phil,
I will allways remember you as a beautiful person when I saw you at the english speaking meetings in Amsterdam.
Also you and I and other members worked for the Tiel convention in 1995. We had a lot of fun when we were making the preparations for the convention. I will never forget how much fun we all had! I know you are with God now and in peace.
You were and are a special person!!!
Lots of love Lenneke
Thanks a lot Anna for this beautiful remembrance of Phil. I'll miss him. But I know on which chair I can always find him.
Annette
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
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